Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
