Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
