9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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