even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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