Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize