my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
