Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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