I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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