Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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