Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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