New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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