Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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