You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
