I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
