No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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