ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
