Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
