Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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