never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
