I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
