I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
