matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
