All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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