White coat. Heels.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
do nipples grow back?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
