I am in a vortex of obligation.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
