During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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