a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i barfeds in our rink
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
