i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I want a musical about memes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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