i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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