our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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