Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
