I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
