I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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