More tranny stories later!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
