If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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