I hate all girls vehemently.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
