I need to stop coming to work sober
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
