is your mom at the bar?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize