Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
