My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
