Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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