So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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