She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she pinky promised me she was 18
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
