Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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