I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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