Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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