I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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