You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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