Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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