I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
