I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
