Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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