In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
