i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
