You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
