At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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