she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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