Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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