Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
time to smoke my breakfast
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
