im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
