I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just threw up on my dentist
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
