P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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