If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
pop tarts are not kleenex
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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