She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
