If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
